22-year-old adoptee in France gets contacted by an alleged bio-brother who pushes for money and other favors, and gets blocked after escalating demands: ‘It’s not okay to ask for money after 2 days’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Sep 17, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

A 22-year-old adoptee in France reconnects with a man who likely is her biological brother, trades photos and facts, and gets hit with help us by day two and find me a French wife by day three. Then comes the tone shift. Big-brother is on loop, anger when replies aren't instant, and a speech about liquids that are thicker than others, capped with a demand to revise adoption papers like bureaucracy is a mood board. It isn't kinship. It's leverage in a family-shaped costume.

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  • AITA for refusing to give money to my biological family and blocking them on everything?

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  • 1 (22F) was adopted from a really poor country when I was 2 years old and now I live in France. To contextualize, my (adoptive) family is amazing.
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  • I was always loved and cherished by all my family members (close ones as well as extended family). If I wasn't black and they weren't white, I wouldn't even know that I was adopted.
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  • When I was younger, I thought about my biological family, but then I stopped because honestly, I didn't care and I didn't need answers as much as before.
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  • A few months ago, I was contacted on Facebook by a man who claimed to be my brother and wanted to connect. I accepted, and we talked all night long by text.
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  • He sent me pictures, documents, and gave me information, so I think he was really my biological family, but I still can't be sure, obviously.
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  • The next day we had a video call with him, my biological mom, and biological sister. Important detail for the rest of the story: he was the only one who spoke French.
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  • Honestly, they are just strangers to me, so I wasn't really emotional, it just felt weird. I asked a few questions and told them about my life in France.
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  • We kept talking via text, and on the second day he started to tell me how hard life was for them and said that maybe I could "help them."
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  • The messages escalate into guilt-flavored spam. Mom is crying. Mom is sick. If you block us you shorten your mother’s life. Another “half-brother” slides in to set priorities and shame the budget. This is not a reunion. This is a collection agency that uses the word sister instead of account holder. The poverty is real. The entitlement is, too. Both can exist without obligating a single euro from someone who owes them nothing but clarity.

  • It felt weird to say that on the second day, but I didn't think much of it and we just kept texting. He also told me that we have another brother in the USA, but he refused to help them.
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  • In the same conversation, he asked me to find him a French wife to help him immigrate, but I just brushed it off. Then the next day it started to get really uncomfortable:
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  • he called me "my little sister" in every single text and got mad because I didn't call him "my brother." He was also annoyed when I took time to respond to his texts.
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  • So I started to become distant with him, and a week later he sent me these texts: "Despite all the privileges and friendships you share with others, know and keep in mind that you should give us much more than you give them.
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  • Because you are our bl d, nothing is equal, comparable, or superior to us before anyone else. We urge you to straighten yourself out in everything, without exception, in order to please us."
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  • "If you are with them, it was our plan to make you happy. Your position and the privileges you enjoy among them are tangible and palpable proof of our love, concern, sincere and genuine consideration."
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  • "You started well when we first talked. But now everything changes in the blink of an eye. And today I dare to ask you to revise your adoption paper.
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  • According to the contract, your adoptive mother should help you, but when you turn 18 you would be free to live without constraint with your biological parents."
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  • "Either you consider us as your parents in full integrity, or you reject us in the same way." I responded to him with a very long message explaining that I didn't want to have contact with them anymore,
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  • that it's not okay to ask for money after 2 days, and that I wasn't responsible for the life they had since I don't know them. After all that, I blocked him.
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  • But he kept texting me with other numbers to guilt-trip me: "Your mother is crying because you blocked her. That means you don't want your mother's life to be prolonged.
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  • You already know she is very sick." Then someone else contacted me (claimed to be the half-brother from the USA) and told me how he will help "our mom" because she is the priority, blah blah blah.
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  • I blocked him too. After that, the first brother who contacted me used other numbers to send me the same type of messages and also created other Facebook accounts. (The last one was 2 weeks ago.)
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  • I didn't specify earlier, but during the 1 week we talked, he mentioned multiple times about me helping them and how he had sacrificed himself for me. So now I'm a little conflicted because I hate them for how they tried to get money from me,
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  • but at the same time I understand that when you live in extreme poverty you have to do what you can to survive. The thing is, if they had been respectful and ready to build a real relationship, I would have helped.
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  • But now I am just so mad. Also, as I said, I only talked with the one who claimed to be the brother because the others don't speak French, so I can't communicate with them directly.
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  • So AITA for not helping them and blocking them on everything? - Edit: Just to clarify, I didnt took a DNA test, I was thinking about taking one but it all happened so fast from the first contact to the moment I blocked him.
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  • - Most of you think this is a scam and honestly I didnt even saw it that way, for me it was just a biological family.
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  • - To look for me the brother posted messages in a Facebook group for people who are looking for their lost ones from my home country. (Dont know what he did before), he said my name, date of birth, the name of the orphenage, and the name of my adoptive mom (dont know how he got this info).
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  • He sent me the screenshot of a gril who responded, and I belive this part becasue she said that I used to do my hair at her mom house when I was in holliday at my grandma's place when I was a child, what is true.
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  • - For now I didnt told my adoptive family because | dont want them to be scared or create a drama, but if it escalate I will.
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  • -The "boological family" dont know my adress, I told them the name of my city but I mooved away since so no worries for that.
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  • Here’s the truth, clean and boring. Boundaries do not cancel compassion. Adoption is not a line of credit. A relationship is a door, not a crowbar. Biology is a fact. Family is a practice. And love without respect is just a bill with a pretty header.

  • Sweet-Salt-1630 About to say the same thing, its a huge scam. Tell your adoptive family in case the scammers reach out to them for money too. And threaten he scammers with police. NTA
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  • FairyFartDaydreams NTA and this is likely a scammer. Once you are adopted your legal ties to your family of origin is broken. Without a DNA match I would shut them down. I actually found a half siter through DNA and have welcomed her with open arms but she also was not asking me for money on day 2. That might have changed my mind in spite of the DNA
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  • Tight-Shift5706 THIS, OP. Disclose to your adoptive family AND contact your local police department. Perhaps an attorney to send cease and desist correspondence. Yourself?? NEVER communicate with any of them again.
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  • bloodrose_80 NTA: You're not responsible to help them, they aren't "owed" anything from you. This "blood" family were harassing you, and you don't have to stay in contact with them.
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  • zeugma888 NTA. Consider changing your phone number.
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  • igramigru101 Yes. Even if they call or write, never give them a word. Just click, end of call. And definitely talk to adoptive parents. Scamers will try to get money from them, maybe already tried.
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  • Throwaway_Dude112 NTA. Dont need to be connected with them and you're not responsible for anything.
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  • marcus_ohreallyus123 If they are OPs biological family, it sounds like they are sending their children out like long term investments and now they want to collect.
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  • nezhagirly NTA! Just because they share your DNA doesn't mean they get a free pass to your life savings. Scammers come in all shapes and sizes, even family ones.
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family drama inheritance brother mother tradition siblings family feud favoritism wedding aunt in laws mother in law sister fiancé grandmother Father
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